Initial Impressions – 17 year old girl named Michelle, goes by Shelly & Shell. Light brown hair, a little longer than shoulder length, bangs over to the side. Medium build with a curvy figure. From Atlanta GA area, runaway that ended up in Tallahassee FL. Died in 1997.
Shelly sat down in the chair in front of me but didn’t really talk much. She gave me a lot of impressions though. I was immediately filled with love and compassion for her. She told me she wanted to tell me her story. We decided that I would channel her and she would share through automatic writing. Shelly’s Story is that automatic writing session.
Shelly’s Story
What happened to you Shelly, you are so young? (Channeled the following with automatic writing) I guess I sort of self destructed, using drugs, alcohol & sex to numb myself. I felt too much and I just couldn’t handle it anymore. I was a prostitute before I died, it was the only way I could survive. My drug of choice was heroine but on this particular night this guy offered me some heroine. Said it would relax me, make me so numb nothing on Earth would matter too me. Oh my God he was so right. It felt better than anything I ever felt before. I remember thinking, why haven’t I done this sooner. This is what I have always needed. I kept slipping away further and further, I was guessing this was normal. But I kept drifting more and more and I started to get scared. I started to drift too far & I was trying to hold on but I couldn’t stop my descent. The next thing I knew I was outside my body. I just stood there staring at myself laying there in a crumpled heap. I didn’t know if I was dead or dying. I was just so helpless. I watched as the man who had given me the heroine raped me. I was so angry, I kept yelling at him to stop! He didn’t even notice I was dead or dying…he didn’t care. All he cared about was using me and when he was done he left. I cried for a long time. I felt compassion for myself for the first time in as long as I could remember. I wasn’t numb anymore, I was feeling all my emotions and it was overwhelming. My body lay there all night and no one ever noticed I was dead. I sat there beside me for what seemed to be an eternity. Over the night I had gotten lighter and lighter I believe this was my body dying and me being released. When they finally noticed I was dead, this fat Hispanic guy began yelling. I remember him saying “Fuck man, a dead whore in the house! What the hell were you thinking!” They yelled and cussed and panicked. True to form, just as in life, in death I was nothing more than a problem and inconvenience. So they took me out and tossed me out like garbage. I cried so very hard, how could life be so cruel and unfair? Was there no goodness and love in the world. If there is I sure the hell haven’t seen it. So I have been roaming around ever since, never went home. I haunted those who wronged me for a while trying to cause them pain like they had caused me. Then I haunted those who reminded me of their type, this brought me a sense of justice for a while. But then like in life with the drugs, in death I started to feel numb, things were getting hazy & I began to feel so lost…. (End automatic writing session)
Can we talk about why you ran away Shelly?
“Oh that’s easy I was always such a burden on my family, they always told me so. So I decided to do them a favor and just go. I was always alone in my family so why not sever the tie and leave.”
Why weren’t you close with your family?
“I never knew my father & my Mom was always from one boyfriend to the next. Hell I lost my virginity to one when I was 13. What’s really screwed up is he treated me better than the res of them. He was probably the best one she ever had, sad huh? I guess that’s why I left my life was just fucked up. My boyfriend told me we would be happy. That he would take car of me & we would start our own life and family. I was stupid and I believed him. We ran away and ended up in Tallahassee. We both got addicted to Meth but he became strung out really bad. He pimped me out to support our habit. Then one day I came home and he was just gone. I kept thinking he would be home soon but he never came back. He had abandoned me just like everyone else in my world. After that I just spiraled downward. I no longer had hopes or dreams, I just existed. This is why I felt in a way my death was suicide, because I just didn’t care.” (I spoke to her about healing her past)
Did you see the light when you died?
Yeah it freaked me out! It was so intimidating I wasn’t going anywhere near it, besides going in the light is for old people. Its gone now anyway.”
All your loved ones are there in the light. People you didn’t even knew you had that love you are waiting for you there. Great-grand parents, people from other lifetimes they are all there waiting to embrace and love you. That one thing you are missing, that gaping hole in your heart that has always needed to be filled with love, compassion and caring its all there waiting on you.. The light is love and it will make you whole by filling in the missing pieces.
“Is God there?” Yes I believe he is but he is not what we think. He I bigger and better than that. Suffice to see the light is love and God is love. There is no religion there. That is something we cling to in our mortal lives.
Why did you come to me? “To be heard, I feel desperate not to be forgotten. I wanted to share my story and hope it helped me to feel something. I don’t want to be lost forever. I want someone to miss me, to mourn me? Does that sound selfish?” No not at all, it sounds natural. “I feel invisible, forgotten, I guess I just wanted to be seen and heard.” I know life has been hard for you. You deserved so much more than you got. A family to love and care for you and keep you safe. A life where you could make all your dreams come true. Life is hard though Shelly and so often it is not fair. The things that happened to you were not fair. But I want you to realize that life isn’t all bad. There are good people out there and there is a lot of love. I encourage you to look for the good. You have been searching out the bad for so long. It is time to see the other side too. I know you didn’t see a lot of it in life but there were good people out there who would have shown you love and compassion unfortunately it just didn’t work out.
My advice to you Shelly- I feel very strongly that you need to go home. I know you don’t want to but I don’t think you can truly be free and ready to move on until you go home. You need to see your mother again. Maybe now with clear eyes you can see more, feel more. Perhaps things in her life damaged her causing her not to be the mother you needed. Maybe she didn’t get the love she needed and she made some bad decisions just like you did. You may be surprised to see time has changed things, you may feel love and compassion for her for the first time and a long time. Either way you will never know if you don’t try. I don’t think you will be able to move forward until you go home.
You can come to me if you need help with the light when you are ready. You can also find the light around other spirits who have recently passed, places like hospitals & funeral homes are good places to find the light.
“I have a lot to think about, thanks for listening to me.” (I was so touched by Shelly, I started to cry as I spoke to her) No problem, I want you to know I will always remember you and I will mourn for you. You are not forgotten.
Then she stood up smiled, turned and walked out my front door.
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